My little boys are three weeks and one day old today.

I’ve waited a whole week hemming and hawing about disbudding them. Now that I’ve made the decision that it probably should be done, I don’t know what to do. They will be almost 4 weeks old by the time an iron gets here if I order one.

I had hoped that the lady I got them from would offer to do it when I sent her an email about the subject, but she didn’t. She gave great advice, and has been wonderful, however.

This is causing a lot of anxiety! I’m afraid that if I spend the $80 bucks on an iron, it wont get here in time, or wont fit over their buds. I’m also afraid that it WILL fit over their horns and I’ll have to do it! The whole thing is unpleasant, but I would hate to have Elli, another goat, myself or a friend gouged later in life. If they got caught in a fence — especially electric! — and hurt themselves it would be awful. If they broke a horn off later in life it could be life threatening. Also, the little buckling might go to a new home in a few months, and who know what will befall him if he has horns. I want to set them both up for a long and happy life…even if the thought of burning the impossibly perfect little heads of my babies makes me feel sick and awful.

Also…I can’t really buy the iron for another day or so because of finances. Most people agree that 3 weeks is getting old, and only a few people think that doing it at 4 is a good idea. BUT, as long as the buds fit in the iron, it’s okay, apparently. They seem to get bigger by the day — I am well aware, because I kiss their little heads so often.

Oh, it’s a horrible thing.

I love when a client says “that was the best massage ever!” after a session.

It makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Like Allie hugs and pineapple upside down cakes.

The E thing is weighing on me fairly heavily. Even though I knew where we stood, part of me felt like things were magically different. They aren’t.

I’m one of very many, and just happened to make myself very available in that moment. He loves me, we have a special sort of connection, but it is as it was. When he is gone, he is truly gone. When I stop initiating conversation, there’s no word from him.

If he thinks about me at all, I’m ignorant. When he does, I’m sure IRS with fondness…

…but he’s still just gone.

I feel discarded.

Today was tearful.

My home life improves by the day, however, and I enjoy every moment spent with all of my happy creatures.

The babies are growing up quickly and are SO different from one another. In some ways, I wish my little wether was the buckling that I had decided to breed because he’s so dainty, beautiful, smart, calm and quiet. My little “stud buck” is VERY much a boy, however. He’s robust, thick, sturdy, loud and very handsome. I am glad that my little wether is the one that will be staying with us, though. That doesn’t seem right to say. I love them both.

Roo is getting fatter and happier by the hour, it seems. She bolts around the yard like crazy goat in happiness, I can no longer feel the points of each vertebrae, and her coat is getting softer.

(I owe it to the deworming, flaxseed oil and sunflower seeds in her nightly grain.)

A bit of good news:
Tonight I had my big house call. They even fed me dinner! They quickly rescheduled weekly sessions for the entire month. A GIANT win.

Also, my grandma sold a property she owned and split the money between her children (my Pa and his siblings). He, in turn, is giving a little to my brother and me! It’s not “a lot”, he said, “just about $180.” Wow-ee! Goat fencing!

So, financially, today was a great day.

Socially/emotionally, it was pretty emo.

Domestically, it rocked.

Productivity wise, I accomplished a whole bunch.

Playing

Eep! Overslept.

Lots of creatures to feed and not enough time.

Caught Roo chewing her cud for the first time yesterday. She’s finally eating plenty and getting healthy!

Sad morning.
Too reflective.

I feel like I got too happy and full of love and whimsy this week. It leaves one so open and exposed.

I just want to be home with the babies, Roo and my best Bean. Clean the house, work on the barn plans. NOT be at the store, where even Alyse seems abrasive this morning.

Too sensitive.

So sleepy.
I want my baby goaties in bed with me.

I might have to give up on my dairy dream simply for the disbudding aspect. Little baby goats getting their heads stuck with a hot iron to stop horn growth is…awful. I don’t think I could ever get used to that.

This is my life!

Craziness. It’s so magical! I’m horrified about rents next week…but I know it will work out. I HAVE spent about 75 bucks this month on goat stuff, but that includes feed, wormer, baby stuff, Roo’s hitch and collar, the cost of building materials AND the cost of the actual goats themselves. If anyone can do things cheaply, it’s me.

It’s a consolation to me that that means I’ve had about $400 “unexpected” expenses this month — including insurance, tuition debt and goat stuff — AND (although I won’t speak too soon) have maybe come out ok…Wow. When I put it that way, I’m doing splendidly.

That means I should be able to get fencing and a 12x16 pallet barn raising together this month! The pallet barn will be very cheap. I’ll get recycled 2x4’s, T-posts, bolts, plywood siding and probably corrugated roofing. Ideally I’ll want to slap a couple gutters on there with some 55gal drums for goat water.

Right now I just need to focus on getting some clients, finding a better light for the Upstairs Project, and getting fencing.

Going to go meet Roo’s possible suitor tomorrow!

I emailed the woman back saying that I had decided against a 3 month old buck. I was afraid that even though Roo is a yearling, and the buck probably isn’t in rut yet, that she might get “pulled” in to season early and breed right away.

At first, I wanted to breed her as soon as possible to get that milk going. Then I realized a few things. My darling little goat is skinny, needs a couple rounds of precautionary de-wormer, and “season” for Alpines is August-Jaunary. I don’t want to necessarily breed her out of season, and I don’t want her to get pregnant being in semi-scraggly health.

I voiced all this to the woman in the email, and then mentioned that I still really needed an affordable friend for my doe. She immediately called me and said that she had bottle baby bucklings of all three breeds that she would sell one for $10 or two for $15.

She said that then I would have time to fatten Roo, and let them both naturally come into season together. He’ll mature at the start of the breeding season. She also mentioned that she would be happy to band (as in put bands around those lite balls!) a buckling if I wanted to take one intact and one (sort of) wethered buck. That way I have a breeding buck AND a companion if I wanted to get rid of the breeding buck later or if i wanted to keep the breeding buck and use the wether as his companion after Roo had her kids.

A lot to consider.

She ALSO told me that she didn’t usually, but she’d vaccinate the boy(s) for me and if I brought an extra syringe, she’d fill it for Roo!

I can’t wait to see her facility, and meet all the little boys.

If I end up getting a wether I might take a LaMancha because they’re so cute/sweet. I’m still thinking of breeding her to an Alpine, though.

Either way, she said to come on out, and even if I don’t get anything, she’ll be able to give me pointers and vaccines for my little doe.

Meanwhile:
Dog-sitting an ANCIENT Aussie who is the sweetest old girl.

Also got to text E a bit tonight. Missing him a little less. Having him around is a beautiful whirlwind of emotion but I have PLENTY going on. My romantic ass still thinks about holding him at night, though.

Re-joined OkCupid. Kept my profile pretty “real” and didnt post many pics. Low and behold, I’ve gotten no messages in 48 hours. It’s almost preferred. Only the kindred will write me.

-make flyers for massage
-call clients
-pick up lawnmower from Heidi’s
-get rope back from Alyse so I can start bringing home pallets on my roof for the pallet barn.
-call insurance co.
-business license ASAP so I can start working at the clinic on Sat nights.

Tonight…pass the fuck out.

I posted the rototiller on craigslist for $50 or trade.

It looks like I’ll be booking a $100 house call before the end of the month, AND have some clients to call to try to hustle up some work.

Also,
have found a 3 month old Alpine boyfriend for little Roo! Actually, I can choose from LaMancha, Saanen or Alpine stock — all 3 months old, all intact, and all bottlefed. I’m pretty sure I’ll go with the Alpine buckling, but need to double check my goat facts because for some reason all of the sudden I’m double guessing. They’re each $50. It’s a good investment. The Alpine is from
Good genetics…it is more than I have, but a great price, good genetics out of a great farm in Oregon, a good age, AND my little Roo needs a friend.

AND…
I lined up a trim job for late June. It won’t be big, but it’s a few hundred and if I need equipment more than money they’ll trade me or do a partial trade.

ALSO!
Was offered a hypothetical house-watching gig for about a month. It’s purely hypothetical, as there is currently no house to watch, but it’s possible.